It is now time for you to choose a helper. I suggest you select either the least talkative person or the person with the best gossip. I find teenage boys are especially good helpers because a) they take orders well, b) they’re often sulking and silent at family functions, and c) they’re grateful for the break from everyone asking them about school and girls, and therefore actually do the tasks you give them accurately so as not to be sent back in the living room for further scrutiny. Do not be afraid to threaten you’ll tell Grandma he wants to hear about her trip to the crafts fair if he slacks.
My Thanksgiving won't involve any direct contact with family members, but maybe I can still be promoted to "helper." Incidentally, if you're in Seattle and are in need of Thanksgiving plans, let me know. I can probably secure you an invitation to dinner.