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January 26th, 1999

OS X

rambling, stupid

Well, that last snmmary was far from complete. and, ah always. I Could write volumes about each hour, but at least I can rest and put that behind me to go on and on about the somewhat random thoughts oF today

I don't know if i like this. I've been noticing that lately I am almost biting my tounge but not really. strange.

Fun day with many classes, a short lab, medium-long USC meeting where we got to talk about CATA, volunteers, and Youth assets. I feel like such a. bureacrat these days going from meeting to meeting all the time. I must be pretty important (Carswell level? No_ I go)

Tried to read Tarot tonight everything in the middle was nice-happy objectre / you / me card patience; tC. makes me think that I really need to have a plan or else I will be left drifting-which Isn't as god for me as I like to-think as tnosh I e enjoy just being, I don't like the idea of it... I'm sure this looks horrible on-the screen, but I don't want check...

Well, that is fixed a little bit i guess. I wonder if I will ever want to read all this shit that I've been spewing out? Probably

about that plan, my inertia is so great. not sure why that is, but it makes me a killer procrastinater!

Now, I just want t0 sleep which is easy to accomplish. I can feel that things will be moving soon. Have to have faith in my belief that letting go is the right way. That's not exactly it, but I understand on a non. verbal level (subtly) so that's all that matters

I never imagined that I would be the same person for so long. For some reason, I thought that I Would change .but here-I still am 21 and counting. I guess that's the random careless thought for today. Still I wonder if I got here early, or just stalled long ago & haven't made it yet. That's assuming that there is a destination, or a development. Maybe we are all always who we are. Some people just take longer to see that. then, there's Solipism, which is pretty much where I am - at least a modified form of it. I think...

Stopping Now.